I live in a world where

people oftentimes refer to random things about me as “jenisms”.  My husband laughingly threatens to write them all down as a reference book for anyone who wants to learn how to speak “Jeni.”  I of course, usually threaten something equally annoying like calling the Geek Squad to park out in front of our house for hours on end to help with all the tech issues he never gets around to fixing for me.

But in his defense, he might have a good point.  (Okay, I say this to only you guys who are reading this.  If anyone tells him that I think he might be right, I’ll swear I NEVER said it.  Got it?)  

I realize as a writer I should be more eloquent when I actually speak aloud, but I find that I have a few conditions I like to call, filterless syndrome, fast mouth/slow brain syndrome, and the worst of them all is the unintentional double entendre disease.  Of course unintentional double entendre disease(UDED for short) isn’t too bad in and of itself, however, I seem to realize way too late thanks to fast mouth/slow brain syndrome that there was even a faux pas in the first place.

Of course nothing hammers one’s shortcomings home quite like having little kids that repeat most everything you say or copy your mannerisms.  Example?  I say “thinger” A LOT.  I didn’t before having kids as far as I remember, but after kids, thinger is a go to word.  And I don’t mean it in the slang for a man’s penis kind-of way.  I mean it in the “word I’m thinking of, but can’t for the life of me remember kind of way.”  As you can see though, this shows both my fast mouth/slow brain syndrome at work as well as my UDED.  Of course my helpful hubby likes to always say something smartassy like, “What thinger are you talking about this time?”To which I usually just grumble as my brain catches up to my mouth and thus am able to find the right word.  Well, my lovely 5 year old daughter has recently developed either a raging case of UDED and fast mouth/slow brain syndromes or she’s just a mini-me that says anything and everything she hears come out of my mouth.  It’s really unattractive on the thirty-something version of me that is me, but on her it’s almost adorable!

Of course that might be only from my point of view.  But it’s my blog, so my point of view is all that matters, right?  Yeah, that’s kinda what I thought too.  But anyway, back to the Jenisms…  I thought I’d lay of few out there for you as a way to get to know me better, like a first date only without all the pressure.

1- I almost always have a pair of glasses on my head.  They are either my reading glasses or sun glasses.  But I almost can never tell you which ones they are.  It’s always a disappointment when I roll the glasses roulette wheel and go outside, drop down the glasses and find out that I lose because not only am I squinting in the bright sun, but also can’t see distance through them for anything. ( I realize there is a simple solution to all of this, but I choose to enjoy the game)

2- I’m horrible with names.  Faces I can remember, but names I am horrid with.  So there are more times then I can count where I find myself re-introducing myself to someone I’ve previously met.  Of course this I blame on my fast mouth/slow brain syndrome.  Because it never fails that I moment I walk away from the person whose name I can’t remember, my brain kicks in and supplies the name I was desperately searching for.  Usually this is about 2 minutes after one of my kids has already asked me loudly 10 times or more, “Who was that Mommy?”  I kind-of wish everyone wore those Hello my name is…  name tags all the time.

3- I live in a world that exists in my head.  Not in the “I need a white padded room way” but more in the my slow brain is actually quite fast when it comes to creativity while only slow when coming up with facts and other useful things.  But for example, when I drive, I wish I could have a recorder for my brain.  like a tape recorder that records my thoughts.  Because while the part of my brain that makes me follow street signs and speed limits is busy working on autopilot (let’s hope no police officers are reading this), the other half of my brain is working out story arcs, character faults, scenes of mystery and romance and test driving dialog and character voicing.  I do some of my best “writing” while driving.

4- My characters’ moods bleeds into my day to day life sometimes.  Usually people say it’s the other way around, but I find that when I really connect with my characters, they bleed into my reality more-so than my reality bleeding into theirs.  It’s weird, my husband hates it, but it’s life.  So if you meet me and I’m acting a little strange and ignoring you when you call me by name, it’s one of those times likely.  Again, not in a call the men in the white coats kind of way…

5- I tend to start talking half-way into a thought.  Sounds counterintuitive with fast mouth/slow brain syndrome, but I somehow always assume whoever I am talking to can read my mind.  Because the creative part of my mind likes to think I’m an open book that everyone can read.  And that everyone has the ability to read minds.  I mean isn’t the world a better place because of it?  Hmmm, character bleeds again…

As I reread these I am thinking this might have been a bad idea…  I might be closer to needing the padded room and white coated men than I care to actually admit!  So with that being said, I’ll end here and say, “Hope that thinger is working out for you.” 😉

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