Holy Big Voice Batman! (and I’m back…)

So today I went to my first CRW (Carolina Romance Writer’s) meeting in a few months hoping to get the much-needed kick in the pants to get back to my writing. It worked. But maybe a little too well, because here I sit (immediately following the meeting) at a Starbucks in Charlotte working on a “I’m Back!” blog post.

While I sit here with the wheels turning in my head trying to divine the perfect words to say, “Hey World! I’m BACK!” The only thing I can think of is the words spilling from a perfect stranger’s mouth. Why? Frankly because the man won’t. stop. talking.

Now, for those of you who know me, I’m a chatter. I will sit and bend your ear for an entire day if you let me, but there are some things best left unsaid in a public forum or say outside a Starbucks on a nice Carolina Blue day. Like that your now-spouse turned you down for years because she had it in her mind that you were only in the “friend zone” and she wanted someone more “exotic.” The fact that you now landed her and have kept her for 7 years shouldn’t be something worthy of applause. Yet somehow you did receive just that. Applause. Huh?

Maybe it’s just me but, if you were my character and I was creating you, at this point from all that you’ve told to some long-lost friends and a whole-slew of perfect strangers, your wife settled. Yeah, I said it. She settled. Why? I sure as hell don’t know, but maybe it was because she was getting old or she got tired of watching you hit on inappropriate women or maybe she finally got tired of listening to you beg for her to see you as something other than her buddy. And not even a best buddy from the story you just told… Just a plain old buddy who used to ask her out relentlessly. Oh and who oftentimes over the years had to reassure her that you weren’t interested in guys.

See, in the world where I live and play, if you were my hero, the two of you would’ve been best friends. There would be a slew of bad relationships spanning years of friendship. Oooo, and let’s not forget the underlying sexual attraction between you both. You wouldn’t be the only one thinking she’s hot. Not in my world. She would never mention wanting someone more exotic, because in my world, you would be exactly what she wanted, but here’s the kicker… you would be the one person she really wanted but just couldn’t have. “Why not?” you ask. and the easy answer is “who cares?”. What matters is that in my world you would be the guy she compared everyone else to. The one she dreamed about when she closed her eyes at night. The voice she longed to hear on the phone after she got some bad news. You, loud-talking stranger, would be that guy if you were living in my world. Which for you would end pretty darn well.

In the real world, I’m glad she finally decided to give you the chance you always wanted and it sounds like so far, so good, but I hope for everyone’s sake that she doesn’t finally meet that exotic guy she’d been holding out for for so long. Because in the real world that could spell disaster. Of course in my world, the tall exotic guy wouldn’t be an issue, because he would’ve broken her heart into a million pieces when she caught him in the midst of a three-way with his sister’s best friend and her roommate when all the characters were in college. She would’ve called you in tears and you would’ve done what any good best guy friend would’ve offered to do; bring over a half gallon of chunky monkey ice cream, a copy of Ever After, Pretty Woman, or worst-case a romantic comedy with her favorite hunky actor in it, and then dried her tears and offered her a back rub. (Read that again guys looking for tips… BACK rub!)

By the time the credits rolled, she would’ve been asking you (instead of running a mental dialog with herself ) why she didn’t date a guy as wonderful as you. That would’ve been your prefect opening. Your opportunity to blow as it was. And in my world, sir, you would have said something like, “Yeah, why aren’t you dating me?” Then the words would start a fire on pages that turned faster than the blink of an eye and you would have the happy-ever-after story that was worth telling.

But, I am glad you have had 7 happy years together and I wish you 7 more and then 7 more after that (and so on), but next time you feel the need to talk about your story out loud in a public place at a volume that rivals a jet-engines, make sure no writers are nearby or you may wind up with a much sadder story that you think you have because they will have rewritten yours in a way that reminds you some stories (like how you had to beg for her years to consider dating you) aren’t really worth telling.

Thanks though for the inspiration for my “I’m back!” blog post because I wasn’t sure what to write about until your story got me thinking.

Readers, I am so glad to be back on the blog. I’ve missed you all dearly and I can’t wait to get back to regular postings!


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