Coffee, poop, & unicorns… Oh MY!

I was going to title this post “The Magic Numbers,” but my friend (who shall remain nameless to protect the criminally insane pooper  guilty) pointed out that coffee, poop, & unicorns better summed up my morning so far. It might be because she got this text message at the butt crack of dawn (okay like 8:30am, but earlier for her since we live in different time zones):

Jeni: I woke up too early this morning and I think I’m gonna need about 107 cups of coffee to get me moving on anything productive. Which is pointless for me to have that much coffee anyway since it’s all decaf. All I’ll wind up with is a case of the craps. Which fits my unproductive mood though, so maybe it’s be worth it? lol Random thought of the day # 527.

See, people. This is what being my friend gets you. Wake-up texts complaining that I’m awake, can’t drink caffeine and the side-effects of too much coffee. Yup. Poop. I do lead a super glamorous life, so these tidbits are not as far and few between as they should be. Unfortunately for my friends.

The best part is that said friend called immediately to talk me off the edge of the slippery slope that is drinking way too much coffee (even if it’s decaf) and inspired me to work. Probably because I mentioned a fun activity that I could do, call it work, and then get down and dirty with the hard-core writing that I want to accomplish today. (Of course, you are all reading this blog post so you already know I’ve strayed some from adding a new chapter or two to my current novel. Yeah. Good times.)

Then not more than 20 minutes later I followed up my coffee & poop text with this gem.

Jeni: I may or may not have just ordered these… 

THEY ARE MAGICAL! (not really, but a girl can dream, right?)

(not really, but a girl can dream, right?)

Maybe here’s where I should mention that my friend has a real job. The kind where you show up every day, work, and at the end of a pre-determined amount of time they give you money. I don’t. And I’m not talking about giving her money, I’m talking about having a job that gives me money. At least not yet. I’m working hard now so it will hopefully pay off in the future. Anyway, it’s good to know this about her so when you read her reply it makes sense to people with real jobs people like her anyone other than me.

Friend who loves me less right now: LMAO! That is NOT what you call work.

Wait, what? I’m pretty sure buying adult-sized unicorn slippers constitutes work.  So, what else could I do?? I sent her this response…

Jeni: True, true… but they look magical. As in might HELP me work

It’s been crickets ever since. (With the exception of the title suggestion for this post. I can only imagine she rolled her eyes when I told her I was writing a blog post instead of writing 2 brand spanking, shiny, new chapters like I said I would.)
So, instead of writing the blog “Magic Numbers” today, I’ll leave you all with this instead. I’ll go work on writing some chapters so the FWLMLRN (friend who loves me less right now) can stop rolling her eyes and get some actual paying work done. Tomorrow I’ll write the Numbers blog. I’ll try to make sure that one doesn’t include poop. But I make no promises.

Oh, and for those of you that are curious, I’m on cup #4. Damn Decaf!

Before cup #4

Before cup #4


My awesome coffee spoon this morning. It says, "Not your average joe." c/o Stink & Mrs. Stink (aka my brother and SIL)!

My awesome coffee spoon this morning. It says, “Not your average joe.” c/o Stink & Mrs. Stink (aka my brother and SIL)!

After cup #4

After cup #4

Hope you have a Magical day my friends!



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