I should start this post by reminding people that I am married. Have been for almost 13
long years. Keeping that in mind, let’s talk about first dates (If you are wondering what this has to do with meeting The Bloggess, stick with me, I’m getting to it, I promise). As a woman, I was always one of the tom-boy kinda girls, so while jeans and a tee are my usual dress code, for a first date I’d at least make sure I was feeling cute sexy attractive whatever and I’d take that age-old wisdom to “always wear clean underwear” that your mom grandmom great-grandmom was always touting on about to another level. I’d wear some cute under-garments. Irregardless of the fact that no one other than me was gonna be seeing them. It was some weird confidence thing.
So yesterday, I was SUPER excited to go to a semi-local bookstore for a book signing of Jenny Lawson (The Bloggess)’s book Let’s Prentend This Never Happened (mentioned in an earlier post), so I did what any superfan (with issues) might do. I showered, shaved my legs/armpits, and put on my favorite cute underthings. Now no one other than you and I know this (and even you didn’t know at the time but I digress…).
When I was all ready to go, my Mom, who is adorable, got all prettied up with her hair and make-up [while I had wet hair all twisted up in a clip and not a stitch of make-up on my face] so I could tell she was excited about our outing too!
Well, when I mentioned how nice she looked and she replied that I looked nice too…. I mentioned in the disjointed way that I usually do, that I had taken her (or some past female relative’s) advice and made sure to put on some cute underwear.
She looked at me incredulously and said, “CLEAN, Jeni. It’s wear CLEAN underwear,” in that way that parents do when talking to young kids who may have misheard what they just said.
“Yeah, yeah,” I replied. “You say clean, I say CUTE. You know for confidence….”
After an eyeroll that I’m sure she will deny ever happened, I added some lip gloss and my favorite awesome (and comfy) wedge heeled sandals. But silly me, I was wearing the regular length jeans which is fine with (my standard) flip flops, but with heels look crazy since I’m slightly tall. Not actually tall. Seriously. Just SLIGHTLY tall.
When I consulted dear ol’ Mom whether I could just pull off the short-pants looking jeans with the heels ( After all I was wearing my cute underthings for confidence, so short-pant jeans couldn’t be that bad right???) she gave me THE look. You know the look I’m talking about. The one only a mother can give that clearly says, “You are bat-shit crazy.” without actually saying out loud that you are bat-shit crazy.
So, I did a little mental physics and geometry to see if I could change my jeans without removing said awesome shoes only to realize I sucked at BOTH physics and geometry (see my World of Goo scores as further evidence!)!!
Okay, finally got ready in normal looking length pants, cute underthings, awesome shoes and head out the door with Mom. As we’re driving in the car to the event, she asks quietly, “About the underwear… explain that again??”
Yeah, I tried to explain it, but it just kept sounding crazier and crazier. So, instead I opted for a better sounding, “Well, since I’m sooo excited to meet Jenny Lawson, if I pass out from excitement (or contact awesomeness or whatever) and the EMT’s have to cut off anything at least I’ll look good.” She got kinda quiet before she burst out laughing.
It’s in moments like this that I think it’s a good thing she’s my mother, because in that exact moment someone with a weaker disposition would’ve probably just
died disowned me.
|iPad Cover!! No coffee stain!
Anyway, the event itself was amazing! Jenny read one of my favorite chapters in her book (thus sending me to Amazon to buy the audio version this morning because her reading rocked sooooo much), she did a great session of Q & A, then the signing. During which, I, of course, was my usual self, got completely sidetracked as she and my Mom waited for me to snap a picture while in giddy excitement I babbled incessantly to the BAM guy helping her out… (as Jen Lancaster would say, the shame rattle was a-playing in that moment – okay she probably wouldn’t actually say that but she coined the shame-rattle so I should give her credit for it.) But I did get to get 2 copies of her book signed. One for myself, one for my friend Leanne, and also my iPad cover. But I had her do the back cover because honestly I didn’t want her to see that weird stain on the front from where I set it in some coffee the other week… She was totally cool about it. And gracious. And just a beautiful person who inspires me and so many others! If you get the chance to go to one of her signings, GO!! Tell her I sent you. It won’t make a difference because she probably won’t remember me, but it can’t hurt. Right?!?!?!?!? (I’m pretty sure if/when Mom reads this I’ll get THE look, but whatever. 😉 )
Side Note for anyone who is interested…
While writing and editing this blog it occurred to me that I sounded
nuttier crazier more insane than usual. So I did the only thing I could think of and IM’d my BFF, Leanne. It went just like this:
Jeni: ugh… hating the way my blog post is reading….
Jeni: trying to explain the pretty underpants thing but it sounds crazy and weird
Jeni: which I admit it is, but it shouldn’t SOUND that way
Leanne: Um, but it IS crazy and weird
This is why she’s my BFF. She totally gets me. And keeps me around even though she knows I’m nuts.